As long as I behaved
by Lythya
Summary: Mai's childhood wasn't easy. Oneshot.


As long as I behaved

The wind softly moved around the grounds of the garden and made wistful noises in the leaves of the tree as it passed by. The shiny, black hair of the little girl barely moved as her fingers moved over the little dress made out of silk. She'd made it herself, even though her mother had told her her hands could be scarred. She had done it anyway, not wanting the maid to do it for her. She wanted the doll to wear something _she'd_ made, for a change.

As the only child of a rich, noble family with a powerful position, Mai didn't have a lot of loose ends. There was always at least one eye watching her, no matter if she was sleeping or if she was playing with her dolls, her maid had to follow her around. Mai didn't like that she was never alone. Only lately had her parents let her maid stay behind, but that was only when she left for the Royal Fire Academy for Girls, or when she went to the palace to visit princess Azula. Mai still tried to behave as nicely as she could. Her mother expected her to fulfill certain responsibilities, and Mai had a feeling that she would never have a chance of being free if she didn't fulfill these.

It had paid off to behave nicely. She'd asked her mother if she could be alone sometimes, and her mother had said yes.

"As long as you don't get yourself into something dirty," her mother had warned her. Mai had agreed with anything that meant something near freedom.

"Now you look pretty," Mai murmured as she stroked the doll's hair. She'd put it in a fashion that reminded of her mother's. The hair was held tightly on the head. She turned to look at her other two dolls. The one look nicely like herself. "It will give you a chance to practice proper behavior before entering society," her mother had said.

The other doll was different. It reminded Mai of someone very beautiful, but also someone she almost never saw.

Lady Ursa.

Mai reached for the doll and poked to the knob on her head. It wasn't like her mother's; Lady Ursa's hair was partly free.

"You're not pretty," Mai mumbled, "you're beautiful."

She let the doll fall into her lab with a sigh. She looked over the lake in front of her with heavy eyes. Her mouth were pointing down, and she looked as though nothing in the world had the capability to cheer her up. She felt as if she was lost in a bitter hole, from which she could never escape. She was supposed to stay nicely in that hole, she was supposed to behave properly.

Her fingers fiddled with the front side of her Obi, and she looked at the folds of her Kimono. Since she was out playing, her Kimono didn't have any particular pattern, it was just plain red. Her Obi was green, and so was the veil that she was carrying with her. Her mother had the opinion that she had to look nice no matter what she was doing.

The shadow of the tree she was sitting beneath had grown long, and she was watching it as it stretched by the minute. If she didn't soon get up, someone would come for her, and her mother might think she couldn't handle to be alone for so long.

She got up and left the Ursa doll behind her.

The water was crystal clear. A frog was croaking somewhere, but she ignored it. Frogs were stupid, anyway.

She bend down to touch the lake's surface and watch the rings spread in a circular pattern, outwards. It had no other way to run. Water followed the lead. It couldn't control everything. It could only find a way around things, but never create an opening itself. There had to be one already.

"You're like me," she said to the river. "I can't find an escape, either."

She thought of the Ursa doll. Ursa was such a beautiful woman, and she was one of the highest standing in the nation. She was mother to Zuko and Azula. Mai had always seen how she smiled and laughed with Zuko, how she teased and comforted him. Why couldn't her own mother be like that? Was it that impossible to reach out for her own daughter, to hug her, to stroke her hair ...

She turned around and walked slowly back to the place where she'd been sitting. She picked up the Ursa doll and quickly snapped the doll that represented herself from the root of the tree, and put the two dolls beside each other. They took each other's hands. They embraced. They looked like family ...

She sighed and gathered the dolls before she stood up and began her way back to the gate that lead back into the city, out of the garden. It was late. Her mother would be asking questions. She would want to know what she was doing, and why her skin had a darker shade than when she left. Then she'd say that she needed a parasol from now on.

But Mai didn't want to think of that now.

The two dolls were still embracing, and that was all she could comprehend at the moment.

-

Inspired by Maurexen's beautiful picture, As long as I behaved. You can find her on DeviantArt


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